Currently Infatuated With I

Marsha Ambrosius

Words can’t describe how Marsha Ambrosius’ music makes one feel. Once the other half of the British Neosoul duo Floetry she and Natalie Stewart birthed songs like Say Yes, Getting Late, an intricate combination of spoken word and music. Since going solo right from Late Nights & Early Mornings to Friends & Lovers albums Marsha pours sensuality and essence into her music.

Her songs breathe of bliss, velvet against soft skin, strawberries dipped in chocolate, setting the right theme to seduce your man (or woman) throwing them into an abyss of passion. Also known as The Songstress Marsha’s sultry soulful vocals give symmetry between sexy, indulgence in love’s pleasures and pangs and life with just a hint of raunchiness. She coos, what my friend likes to call, the perfect baby making music.

Marsha inspires fantasies of drawing a vanilla strawberry scented bubble bath, pouring a glass of white wine, grabbing a historical romance (tales of an Earl and his wayward wench), leaning back in the tub and enjoying the gentle assault on sensation. She is the perfect way to wind down on those blue days or hectic weekend where you just want your spirit to swim in calm water.

Make sure to listen to Far Away, With You, The Break Song (this will probably make you cry), I Hope She Cheats on You (With a Basketball Player), Butterflies from the Late Nights & Early Mornings Album. Currently listening to the 2014 Friends & Lovers album for probably the 10th time my fast favorites are Run, Shoes, Without You (ft NeYo), Shoes and Spend All My Time(with Charlie Wilson). As (a song with Anthony Hamilton for the movie The Best Man Holiday) is a faultless addition to your collection.

PS: You can download all her songs from mp3clan.com


Run...



Black Forest Gateau

Sounds so French doesn’t it? However the Black Forest cake is of German origin claimed to have been created by confectioner Josef Keller. The Black Forest gateau has multiple layers of chocolate cake with whipped cream and cherries betwixt each layer, topped off with more whipped cream, maraschino berries (would be a perfect name for rum) and chocolate shavings.

Despite my phobia for dentists and the evidence of several cemented teeth in my mouth I am addicted to Black forest. I would probably get sick of it if I consumed everyday but until the day I do I am happy to treat myself to a slice on my diet cheat day.

Hmmm…..nothing beats the explosion of senses on taste buds when the moist chocolate cake, whipped cream and cherries twirl and combine. It is a beautiful moment worthy of time standing still.

Usually the main subject for my food porn addiction, you will me find scrolling through pages of black forest pictures and recipes when ravenous, hoping the optical illusion abates my hunger pains until Mama Shona (our food lady) summons me for lunch. Raise your hand if viewing food while famished only exacerbate your stomach‘s protesting growls. Everybody? Pretty much guessed that outcome. However you will still find me sending cake picture messages to my boo, hinting of my cravings which usually gets his going and lucky for me the evening will find us pampered with a cup of Mocha and slice of black forest cake.

Food porn!!!!

For those sweet toothers like me, I would recommend Café Javas and Sheraton’s Temptations Cake Shop for a quick fix and the discovery of a variety of other exquisite cakes (yummy red velvet & white chocolate strawberry cake). Bakeries and home bakers can make it on order while supermarkets like Shoprite (yeey for cake Fridays every week) offer it at a reasonable price.

Go on then, have your cake and damn the consequences (although if you are not big on dental hygiene, it is probably for the best that you have your dentist on speed dial).

Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519)

It has long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.                  Leonardo Da Vinci


If you browse through my Facebook profile you will find a few quotes by Da Vinci and if you happen to stumble upon my Twitter account you will be greeted by a giant image of the Vitruvian Man. To say that I am infatuated with Leonardo Da Vinci would be an absolute lie. I am absolutely obsessed with this Florentine vegetarian, poly math, dyslexic, ambidextrous, rumoured homosexual who was the epitome of the Renaissance Man. Born Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci (translated Leonardo son of Piero da Vinci) out of wedlock to a lawyer Piero da Vinci and peasant woman Caterina in 1452, Leonardo’s father noticed his son’s brilliance and had him apprenticed to the Florentine sculptor Andre del Verrocchio. Although a chronic procrastinator, Leonardo is famous for his paintings of the Mona Lisa, Vitruvian Man, The Last Supper, Lady with an Ermine and Madonna of the Rocks; he was also an architect, musician, cartographer, writer, anatomist, geologist, mathematician to mention but a few.




Inspite of being homeschooled and receiving an informal education in languages (Latin), geometry and arithmetic, Leonardo da Vinci was a great thinker with a curious mind and inventive imagination whose fields of expertise were mostly self taught. As part of advancing his anatomy knowledge Leonardo was rumoured to dig into graveyards to steal corpses and dissect them to make detailed sketches case in point ‘Embryo in the Womb’ although it was later revealed that he was given permission to use the cadavers at Hospital of Santa Nuova in Florence. Leonardo later merged art, anatomy and mathematics to paint the Vitruvian Man.

As part of his quirks Da Vinci used to wear clothes of bright colours especially pink to freshen up his complexion. Leonardo never married or had children (too bad, he would have sired geniuses), he wrote most of his notes in mirror-image script to prevent others stealing his work, he was imprisoned in 1476 for 2 months on charges of sodomy with a male prostitute but was later acquitted, he had a raging rivalry with Michelangelo and enjoyed a friendship with Niccolo Machiavelli (Michelangelo & Machiavelli were also both Renaissance men). Leonardo had an avid love for fauna that he purchased caged animals and birds just so he could set them free. His fascination for the possibility of flight had him observing birds in motion resulting into conceptualized sketches for aerodynamic inventions resembling helicopters, parachutes, airplanes and hang gliders

He is attributed to have developed designs for inventions like motor cars, bicycles, armored tank, weapons, swinging bridges, mechanical robots, steam cannon.

Da Vinci’s notes on his construction of the first humanoid robot are currently used by NASA to design the planetary exploration robots. In 2001 a bridge was constructed in Norway based on Leonardo’s 1502 single span bridge sketch. In 1995 Bill Gates bought Da Vinci’s Codex Leicester for $30 million which contains his observations on hydraulics and water movement. Plus the man was a sucker for word plays and puzzles.


Anyone who has read Dan Brown ‘s Da Vinci Code would know that Leonardo Da Vinci was also an alleged grandmaster of the debated Priory Of Sion formed to guard the race of Jesus Christ. While this topic is full of controversy it is an excellent argument subject matter for the conspiracy theory buffs.

Leonardo da Vinci died at Clos-Luce in France and was buried in the Palace church of St.Florentin (is this coincidence? Florentina). The French revolution ruined most of the church and because of that the exact resting place of Da Vinci’s final resting is unknown.

For all the series fans, I would recommend Da Vinci’s Demons. Although it is fictional and made mostly for entertainment, there are some throw-ins of factual information on the maestro that will fascinate you.

Why Men Love Bitches

I am a Bitch who knows some other bitches. We are all proud and certified Bitches stamped, ready to go out and share it with the rest of womankind. I am roaring out loud that bitch is the way to go. However should any man, boy or hooligan call me that, he will meet the open palm of my small hand as I slap the living daylights out of him.

I am aware that I have created quite uproar but before any woman desert me for speaking such blasphemy hear me out.  About three months ago our CFO (a delightful temperamental sunshine-coloured woman) emailed all the ladies in the office a surprising ‘gift’ that created controversy at the work lunch table that afternoon. It was Sherry Argov’s Why Men Love Bitches. I know what you must be thinking; the title alone is enough to start an uprising by the female population if only to prove that they are no bitches. ‘Bitch’ in ordinary circles (except of course in Boondocks & Katt Williams’ standup comedy) is a derogatory term used to refer to a woman. Granted it is a nasty word to but trust feminists to have found a way to turn this into a tool of empowerment.

Reading the book later that night I was blown away by the idea that this woman presented on how women can control the dynamics of relationships. According to Sherry men do not like women who are doormats, the all ‘too nice-too sweet’ girl next door who whimper and waft when you do not call her. Men are put off by the clingy girl who is so worried about them, caging them, building an altar to them, so dependent on them it that her world revolves around him. Apparently it is better to be a bitch, assertive, know just the right angle to stroke a man’s ego and play bimbo just enough to get him to do what you want. At the first glance Sherry gives the impression that bitches should act like the those douche bag exes we have all had who never called and acted like they we were doing just us a favour just to date us however an in-depth read  presents exactly that (I am kidding....don’t ever do that to your significant other). The truth is that the book pretty much preaches that women should be self- confident and have boundaries, how they should quit hopping like bunny rabbits just to run to his beck and call, and instead of stewing up a storm of anger they should just notify the guy-in-question when he is acting less than the gentleman he should be. Your mama did not raise you to be somebody’s doormat.

 Now I wouldn’t advise anyone to act like the mizigo women I hear about in the slums who scream for the entire world to hear when the man is being an idiot and less than attentive in bed (bad move). “Honey I was not amused with the move you pulled yesterday. Please do not do that again” delivered with a smile, with or without the endearments (depending on how miffed you are) and a bit of silent treatment will do just the trick. You end up pulling off sweetness without letting him get away with it.

 So back to bitchiness, now some women take the bitchy thing too far. They are mean, so darn aggressive bordering on psycho, disrespectful, difficult, giving off an aura of meanness that has men giving them a wide berth of space. Then they go on complaining how they just can’t find a man. You can be a go-getter, self assured, CEO of some company and still be all sugar, spice and everything (basically a Powerpuff girl). My definition of being a bitch is finding the perfect balance of asking for what you want (within reason) without sacrificing your femininity.

During one of those rare father-daughter talks my Papa advised me to treat a man right but not to build my entire life around him. He told me to hold my own weight, be independent, remain exactly who I am and act like I am a prize and that way no man would ever take me for granted. This action plan although not full proof has worked perfectly for me.

 I do not condemn nice girls everywhere I just think they should add just a bit of zest in that awesome personality they already possess. Honestly as humans we tend to take people who are too nice to us for granted regardless of gender and that applies for all relationships.

All sense of propriety and niceties aside ladies, y’all need to grow some boobs, balls (oops wrong gender), or even an extra vagina (if that helps) and get some standards. Men only treat you the way they do because you let them get away with it. We all have that guy that we pine after, who calls you once in a month at ungodly hours (btw 11:30 pm is an ungodly hour) for the occasional booty call, texts back on whatsapp after 4 days even if you can clearly see his stupid behind is always online. The dwanzi who has got us practising those acrobatic karma sutra sex moves to please him in bed but still won’t introduce us to his boys as a girlfriend even after a year. Girl you need to let his sorry ass see that door slam in his face. Adopt some bitch attitude.

Don’t be that girl that shuts up when he screws up and become his weekend maid service while he is off keeping FIFA scores while on Playstation with the boys. Don’t allow yourself to leave the bedroom without that much needed orgasm because you are too afraid to tell him just how you like it (mbu you will hurt his ego). I will admit some guys will leave you (even those you like) but the perk is you remain with the worthwhile ones. The kind that will respect and value your opinion without thinking you are aloof and standoffish.

Bitching isn’t about complaining all the time about what is wrong or trying to wear the pants in the relationship. Bitching is being unafraid to voice an opinion or disagree. Being a bitch just means not allow anyone to walk all over you. If his ass does something you do not like, speak up instead of avidly watching Sony Max’s A 1000 Ways to die looking for ways to make his murder look as natural as possible.

                              Ever since I was born, I have been trained to serve you.                                                        What do you like to do? Whatever you like. (WTF??!!!)

I once went out with a guy who I am sure was used to treating his women indifferently. On a Saturday he invites me over to his place for drinks with his friends which I accepted on condition that he pick me up since I was unfamiliar with his residence location. Time check 11:30 pm and there I was a lone figure stuck at a gas station with night duty pump attendants giving me creepy eyes. By this time the fool was not picking his phone and my hyper imaginative mind was playing tricks on me. I took matters into my own hands and with the help of one of his friends found my way to his place. Acting like he had not abandoned me, he hugged me and on my inquiries on his absence, he launched into a sob story about a liquor bottle slicing him and showed me the accompanying cut as if I was his mama that would kiss the hurt and make it go away. Needless to say there was a stunned silence and cries of ‘owww’ from the guests later when I slapped him and just for good measure back handed him. His ego bruised, my hands smarting from the pain I walked out of the gate, took a cab to Legends and had an awesome night. There was no communication from him until a week later when he sent an apology message that immediately saw the bottom of my recycle bin. Happy ending to this story we are now friends although he now knows better. (PS: slapping is not encouraged unless he is being a total douche bag and your temper gets away from you)

Standards set you apart from every other female. They are your signature, the unforgettable thing about you. Your standards whether they are on when you decide to sleep with him, your exclusivity, how you should treat each other while dating etc are entirely up to your tastes and preferences. I have had the privilege of being privy to the inner workings of men’s minds during those moments when my male friends gossip and forget I exist. Men (the millennial ones at least) actually like women who are not afraid to speak their mind, those are the kind that they will take home to their mamas. The too nice girl, they say, is a suspicious character who is vying for the Mrs. title and once that ring is on her figure she will become the female version of Sméagol.  They want character equilibrium of a bitch and the nice girl. The female CEO that will still cook their dinner and accept occasionally to be a damsel in distress all the while keeping it together without losing her individuality.

So yeeeyy Bitches.....let’s go conquer the universe.